Im in my 70s now and dont care any more, hes retired and works in his shop on cars mostly. Best of luck to you! not someone to basically jerk off into. Thank you for sharing! Regards Glenn. Hes changing tooisnt capable of long walks or hikes anymore, which is still something I love to do. He expects lunch and dinner to be made for him every day, He drinks beer by the gallon and he gives nothing to this marriage. Equality sounds great in principle people should be equal, right? Be a fuckin man. Nothing is out of bounds! I want to turn things around and not give up but its a huge blow to what I thought marriage and my life would be. Affection (hold hands, rub shoulders, tap butt, arm around shoulder, hugs, kisses, winks, that special look, etc), compliments, please, thank you, inside jokes, cheerleader, cleaning, cooking, repairs, child rearing, activities together, exercise together, etc will go a long way to leading to sex again. Most women find us as nothing more then a sex pig. Yet she constantly professes love. What do you think a man can do and should do in these cases ??? But very tired of masterbating. Which now seems gone forever. Im leaving when I can stash away the cash. Period!!! */ One of the top sexual concerns women have is feeling self-conscious about their own bodies during sex. Turns out childhood trauma caused me to have an attachment disorder which in turn caused subconscious intimacy anxiety which would then cause me to suffer from severe sexual dysfunctions which turned out to be unfixable. . Were a distinctive, diverse collection of people aged 60 and older who are busy changing the way we age by embracing opportunities to reshape our lives, connect with and help one another, and change the world for the better all while learning, growing, and having fun! What steps can I take to help my wife get in the mood? We were easy pickings since that biological clock was ticking louder and she still hadnt landed Chad. Jack- SHe aint lost brother. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. If you would like to express a comment about Senior Planet locations or programs, please contact supporters@seniorplanet.org. Married 23 years. He keeps saying hell do better, but nothing ever happens! I feel very bitter about it and although there have been compensations in our marriage- children and now grandchildren I have found her lack of interest difficult to cope with. So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. He has type 1 diabetes and is impotent so I can understand the no sex, but no hugs or cuddles or anything? Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. Maybe you've started treating your wife differently, toomore likely a mom figure even to you, and less like a wife and lover and sexual being. Good points you made for sure. But each night i rub her feet and tickle her thighs..she just lays there ..and I go out and sleep in a recliner. If your wife is struggling with mental health concerns, anxiety, or depression that are not being handled professionally, gently encourage her to talk with someone about how shes feeling. Weve been married for 27 years and have 3 adult children. I remember when certain words did the trick. Youre saying I love her, etc etc and she couldnt care less? I had suggest different ways to have sex and she blew up, I was bored and suggested maybe trying different ways, right away I was a pervert and she called me names that shouldnt be repeated here and kicked out of bed. I refuse to live out my life not feeling special. For the past eight years it has been like I am married to my sister. Most woman will get turned off by men putting us down and there is no way we will reward you by having sex with you and if you wait until the next day to be s jerk after having sex with make less likely for you to get I. The first step toward addressing this oft-tricky issue is to understand why your wife is acting distant and avoiding being intimate with you. Her vagina is dry as a bone and she doesnt like penetration at all, either from me or her own fingers. Most dont ever have this figured out. . But to then take into account the Catholic Churchs stance on that interjects another sticking point, if I may use that term. You deserve to be happy in your life as well. Im 87 years young and my vibrator is busy. Another way to improve lack of sexual desire is to change things up in the bedroom. Its like he just doesnt think about it ever. Its all about the woman needs not the man. Go out and kill a hog, punch a younger guy in the face, ride a harley, do a steroid cycle.
If you notice intimacy is fading from your marriage, heres what to do when your wife wont touch you. Im a 66 year old man whos been in a sexless marriage for 33 years. Susan.I second Seans reply to you. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. And I love doggie! If you are tired of initiating intimacy and your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may be time to consider marriage counseling. For senior sex news, tips, event and webinar announcements, and special offers,join Joans mailing list. Surprise her by getting a sitter and taking her to a nice dinner. But it also means were in a status quo that just isnt satisfying. Sorry about no sex demise. Then tell them what your plans are or not, but do not put your sexual and intimacy needs on hold the rest of your life because it is the sign you love someone. For the writer of this letter/question . More than once, our perfunctory mutual masturbation sessions were unsuccessful for me because I couldnt get hard. Now its gotten where I cant get hard when Im with her, Im sure its mental causes. When women say that theyre exhausted, men can often take it as a personal rejection without realizing that she woke up at 5 a.m. I dont mean to downgrade the pain someone feels with this, but there are levels to everything. Less. When your partner wont touch you, there could be infidelity involved, 6. It took many years and visits to a lot of therapists to find out why I couldnt perform sexually with my wife during our 30 year marriage. His experiences have taught him that being an honest friend who communicates well and giving importance to self-love can go a long way in maintaining loving relationships. If he wont go, go on your own to express your feelings fully and evaluate whether you want to be in this marriage and, if so, what can be done to improve it. I was active outside a few times with permission, after 7 years of zero sex, and was not having problems engaging in it, but that had to stop when I tried to help a person I was seeing was caught. Thanks for listening. Then I find out shes got four different boyfriends. I am very attracted sexually to my wife and it hurts my ego that she isnt at all. Read the first sentence again. Anything less is slow sewer side. Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves reported higher levels of intimate encounters and arousal. What about the emotional security of being held while you sleep? So, maybe you need to think about going back to being friends and not husband and wife? She always had 2 orgasms before me. Im over 60 and Im learning to accept this is the way life is going to be for the rest of my life. Friends and family say theres going to be a decrease in libido, but its been almost a whole year since she has even initiated anything, he added. Id like to hear how you feel. You can gently bring up that you want to keep prioritizing your sex life together so your wife understands how you feel and so you can mutually find ways to work on this part of your lives while still being sensitive to her struggles.
My Wife Doesn't Want Me Sexually (My Wife Never Touches Me Anymore) But she works in a male-dominated field and loves to flirt this drives me bat shit crazy as I know I will never be there with her again. My husband and I separated recently. Tall. It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. This is not rocket science, bro. She says that its up to me to deal with it however I choose. Women don't always want to necessarily take care of their husbands, but when they love you, they do. only issue. The wife does not want to start sex and me asking her OVER and OVER and OVER got to her and her rejections and excuses got to me felt like there is always some excuse. Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. So around our house it is whispered, why is he mad? I cannot take any form of estrogen and I literally have lost all desire. Yes, its so hurtful and completely discouraging. But did you notice that men have to make the first move? She saw her doctor and prescribed a lube but it irritated her. My wife and I had a beautiful sex life until she started to have complex female problems that resulted in a partial histerectomy and even after the procedure she finds sex very painful. Hormonal changes, which can start as early as your 20s, can also be root causes of low sex drive. he will not give me a divorce so yes take a lover if you need too cause feeling wanted, desired, and loved, is like food we all need it and deserve it! I dont know what kind of slob you were married to, but maybe he rolled over and fell asleep because you were so boring and disinterested. Can we please talk about how we each feel about sex in our relationship? Just arent attracted to him anymore? Feel like I wasted my life!!! However this does not mean that sex should just cease and its quite difficult for one party in a marriage or long term relationship to just do without something like this because the other party has lost interest (or is depressed), or whatever. Weve been married for 26 years, she is 51, and she has had maybe 4 years total where she was interested in sex. (That is very thoughtful, I do all those things because my wife is Special and I want her to be happy) I have always shared the housework and dont mean picking up my clothes yes I am defensive because women dont believe med do housework. She started the menopause change about 3 years ago, however sex prior to that was maybe every few months for probably 7 years. However I worked as much at home since someone had to do it. What is the solution? I have been married for 40 years this coming July. struggles or clinical depression? When was the last time you went out on a date together? Four in five couples dealt with a desire discrepancy1 in the past month, according to one 2015 study. I hear ya. Be caring. Reading some of the commentary I can identify with the concerns.I fantasize frequently about past relationships and what might have been but I only become sadder.
My Wife Doesn't Touch Me Anymore (My Wife Is Not Affectionate To Me If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for, Are You Ready to Start Dating Again Ask Yourself These 5 Questions, Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves, reported higher levels of intimate encounters, 30 Foreplay Ideas That Will Surely Spice up Your Sex Life, This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are, to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. I feel like its just my life now. Finally someone is pointing out this is not a divided hate forum. I think it was a relief for him because he was not much into sex. Every study I have ever seen says its over twice as likely for the woman to be the one withholding. Her duty? I read the frustration and despair in your story and I thank you for being willing to share it here. It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. The man in solitary pleasure can flavour his immediate physical sensation with the remembrance of shared pleasures, whereas the woman in giving but taking no pleasure in sex finds her memories of shared pleasure to be sullied. Think before you do what you do. Love and mutual respect must be the basis for any human relationship. We did have sex on occasion but we would go months in between, not my idea, finally he stopped and said he had no more interest or ambition to have sex. I demonstrate my love for her in so many ways, little notes, letters, flowers messages in song, other women including young women I work with say they would love to have someone who loves and respects their partner and relationship like I do. But it nearly tore us apart. If you didnt leave before the first kid arrived, you were in for a life sentence. Because I have no suggestions as to how to change things. It also says that we are to make our bodies our patents, not ours. But I do like your advice, dont waste time with them and take whatever you can get now. Now I definitely feel more like the odd woman out after reading all those men complaining about lack of sex!I am 45 had a hysterectomy 3 years ago, so menopause was forced on me.I still feel like a horny B*** latina! Due to bi-polar, I have had a strong sex drive since I can remember. She just isnt attracted to me. Well, its clearly only getting worse. But, on the sex side, not too good. My wife weight has ballooned once the kids were born (25 years ago) And she has never wanted to lose it but just accept it. Color me confused. !, so we better act tough, ya know! With a lot of talk and communication, we have made peace with our sex life. We could be spontaneous. Who knows, maybe something will change as nothing stays the same. Fun-loving, Honest and Straightforward. . And yeah I can pleasure myself, but that will never be like the real thing. My ex was 16 years younger then me. I love her but I need sex I cant survive with masturbation, being with a woman and everything that goes with it is so important to me. Have you ever considered WHY your wife doesnt want to have sex anymore? She may give in from time to time to satisfy her man, but the drive is gone.
How to deal with erectile dysfunction in a marriage - Medical News Today Share the moments and activities she loves and see how your desirability shoots for the clouds. I am 62 and much healthier than my wife. Why would he ever have too? But this woman kept me in her heart and mind for fifty years. I have stayed in the marriage because of my kids and other family issues which go beyond this comment. I love him and am a bad lier, so using masturbation as a release. I dont know where to start. We are both quite healthy but she has little interesting sex now. I have not had an affair because, well, thats just not me. If I go with my friend (who is also not 100% and we have the same pace, easy and slow) he ridicules me that I have energy to shop, walk her dog or just sit and chat over some tea. But after years without, I cant help but fantasize about past experiences, which makes me feel SO guilty. Id been wearing blinders believing shed never cheat. It has been 5 very long years for me. He is 69 (as am I) and weve been married 39 years and for him sex is a thing of the long past! Stan, Marriage is hard work, but worth every moment when the effort is reciprocated. Sexual intimacy is kissing, hugging, touching, petting, laying baked, masturbating one another, oral sex and that look of intensity that tells you that you are desired. What to do about it: If you've talked about all the other reasons on this list and mutually feel great about your relationship (talk to her about thisdon't assume! etc. I will probably need to work into my 70s or as long as I am able. What we have Ive worked very hard to achieve. You can clearly see that she is overworked and avoids intimacy. Shes happen because we dont have sex or have any form of intimacy. 330 Comments 3. ( Keep cardio to a minimum and stay away from the weight machines) I kid you not. To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org. I thought during the first couple of years of our marriage that I was imagining this but I now realize I wasnt (since he recently stated how we werent trying to procreate any longer, so why bother with sex.). If your sex life is devoid of experimenting with new sexual positions, role play, dressing up, creating a sensual ambiance, theres a chance that the same sexual routine has become boring and tiresome for your wife and she has started avoiding all physical contact. Zimmerman also recommends getting some time away from the kids regularly so that you can re-immerse yourselves in your identities as individuals and as a couple outside of your roles as parents.
Wife doesn't want me to touch her breasts | Talk About Marriage Thats abusive and hurtful too. Medication also he ls good to me but his hobby ls everything to him he jokes around with me we are like room Therapy will help you identify the issues underlying the lack of sex, teach you how to communicate more effectively, give you strategies for regaining your intimacy if shes willing, and tools for coping if shes not, and offer you the boost you need to work on your relationship. Im 55 my name is Tom, I havent made love to my wife in nearly 9 years due to her having several medical issues. She knows this is a psychological problem and doesnt reflect how I feel about her. That was almost 50 years ago, I dont live in he house with her. I take it religiously, because it helps me in the gym and with mental clarity. But she is just not sexually attracted to me.
Touch Deprivation: How No Affection Affects Your - YourTango I dont masturbate much because I would prefer to be with her. I self reflected and starting cooking again, especially on her late nights. If your wife wont have sex with you, try not to jump to accusations, as this usually only makes things worse. As someone who has now gone over 6 years without any contact more intimate than a hug I can tell you it is a relationship killer. I just want to rebuild my life again, move on, be kissed and touched! The only thing I have now is masturbation about 3 times a week. Great but no sex at 69. So I backed off of seeing this person. I dont know what to do! She sleeps in the other room. I do not understand why they got married in the first place!!! In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. Its not an option. This can be a disheartening situation to cope with. If I was better looking and could make the time to find a willing partner Id do it because sex has dwindled a lot in the last ten years. So, while some continue to coax and prod their spouses to get them in the mood, others resign to fate and either make peace with a sex-starved existence or look for gratification elsewhere. Drugs and orgasm. 6. That was pretty much the end of a normal sex life, He had a horrific childhood, beatings, a suicidal mother (she cut her wrists in front of her children), infidelity on both sides. I am aware of the risks, and am more than willing to live with them, rather than go back to how I was before. Am I undesirable? Makes me feel worth lessnot worthless.worth. oh when either of leave the house or return there is a generic kiss. I chose the platter for one. I think it is true that having sex with your partner is part and parcel of the love you feel for each other otherwise it just seems to fade. I have asked her why she makes dinner for us even though she hates doing it, and she says its because she loves me. Married 30 years now. Anyway, I think when one person in a marriage comes to the point my husband is at and apparently yours is too a therapist is really the only answer. Were currently stuck at #3, but I have a feeling #1 is gaining ground and will ultimately prevail. Mental health issues dont appear out of nowhere for no reason. Simply, and probably naively, the answer to your question is, NO, it is *not* my right, nor in any way acceptable. Hope now your problem will be solved. This seems to be the one thing that cannot change (no medical conditions preventing sex). As I mentioned before, the lack of physical contact can be due to a myriad of reasons.. Emotional intimacy is a big factor in a happy marriage and a satisfying sex life. My guess is shes been trying to rid herself of me for many years but wants me to be the one to leave so she can save face with friends and family. Does your wife deal with mental health struggles or clinical depression? Cheating just isnt in me. With kids and work schedules, it can unfortunately become easy to put date night on the back burner, but there are plenty of reasons to make it a priority in your week. I have the same situation you describe, almost to a T. The only thing thats worse is that my husband is sneakily still interested in porn and satisfying himself when Im not around. Being refused is an essential part of the life of a person who is proactive in getting his or her wants met. I am now dating a man in his 60s, I also am in my 60s and he cant get erection so he shut down any sexual contact and I am dieing for a sexual relationship. I felt rejected at times, but I learned that what postpartum moms go through physically and emotionally is intense. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy, happy relationship, checking in with yourself is also good. Youd do things her way, when she wanted it, or else its divorce rape in the courts. Like, whats wrong with me? We are 64 years old and havent had sex for 3 1/2 years. . If men put in as much energy they put in sneaking around spending money on hookers and put all of his energy on his wife by taking 50% of the household chores and helping his wife out with the kids and having him spice up their sex lives you will see more action in the bedroom then before as long as you are sweet and loving towards her you will always get lucky. I certainly feel your pain and utter frustration. I would do just about anything to have a willing partner like you! Its all a crock. You can find a sitter and really focus on each other. Learn how your comment data is processed. That you would elevate paid sex with a stranger above the shared intimacy and love found only after years together as partners says even more. So I disagree when people say leave the marriage as soon as the sex stops. When it gone, its gone. There is nothing sexier than seeing your man crazy! At 20 years I did start having a partner on the side because I was very sexually frustrated and that partner within the same situation. Ive been married three times and my third wife is the number one compared to the first three. Did your husband cheat on you after you stop having sex with him? Ya over 40 years with out not a problem. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. You have your wife, intimacy is so much better than busting a nut and orgasming, why does this make us feel better? They think they do, Men expect women to get hormone therapy to fix the hormone problem. Feel like I have him a lifetime!!! well, about a year ago she took it upon herself to say no more sex. Unfortunately, my wife is 62 and has given up interest in sex and affection of any type. If given the opportunity I would be all over inside and outside the house, flirting and not taking my hand off that booty. I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! If your wife feels less overburdened with household responsibilitiesand sees you making an active effort to take on your share of the loadyou might find she has more time, energy, and interest in sex. Mostly sexless for ten years and when I talk to her she just says, Im not attracted to you anymore, so get a girlfriend. Two years and counting, its got me climbing the walls! She wasnt as attractive or as fine a dresser, and my adolescent mind didnt see her as the choice for my good looks. Ive no where to go. Im not convinced of this because he does not even initiate a kiss. We lost our virginity to each other well before our marriage so often, in fact, that on our wedding night we decided we were too tired from the events of the week and just went to bed to sleep. Once you restore an emotional connection, your physical one is sure to follow. Ill be living in a van down by the river if we separate. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer in older men and when the prostate is removed during surgery it makes a man totally impotent no erection, no ejaculation, no orgasm plus total incontinence which means the post cancer patient needs to wear Depends diapers for the rest of his life. So sorry to read this Pamela, Im in the same boat with my lovely wife, terribly depressing. Gopa explains how it can be detrimental to your physical intimacy. Around year 3 it was 1x week and that lasted another 5 when it became about 1x a week. I fail to see the point of continuing further. It is sad when u see other men drooling over me but the one I want. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. Hello fingers!!
My Wife Loves Me But Doesn't Desire Me - What Should I Do? - Marriage For everything there is a season. Im in ok shape, not overweight . It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. Sorry. He claims to love me and just wants to continue on with what I consider a rather boring, dreary and certainly sexless marriage! Not only are you missing out on some fun in the bedroom, but most importantly, youre missing that intimate connection it creates with your wife. Nothing is out of bounds! Praying for these husbands. Now both in our early 60s, she has lost the desire for sex and has pain issues as well. interested in sex as they grow older but I find that to be true of men as well at least in the case of my husband! Introspect a little and see how invested you are in her pleasure. How about this? Step out of your own hurt feelings and into her world. Amen. married 57 years. Discussing the problem is a problem in itself because she simply get very irritated and by it and thats the end of that! I love you, but I am not happy this way. Really? It isnt about the phone or computer. Hes had issues with porn for a long time. Would you prefer I see prostitutes or have a girlfriend on the side to take care of my needs? * LEARN WHY DEFINING THESE VARIABLES IS IMPORTANT: Seriously? And LATINA. I read this article, and it sounds easy to find therapy/solutions. Even with some ED we can still have a good orgasm..but she wont even touch me.. Im not a bad looking guy, and tend to her needs materially.. but sex is off the table. First few years sex was great. Your wife may simply just not want sex as regularly as you do, and she may not even know how important sex is to you. With all of that being said, I an understand your frustration. Furthermore the AFIB and some remaining heart failure issues make sex not safe to engage in, even if counseling could resolve our relationship issues from the past. 90% of the letters I read, could have been mine. The more I got, the more I wanted. I am afraid Buck is correct. Your wife avoids intimacy because she feels neither desirable nor sexy. I have a similar problem but my situation is somewhat different as I am not on a lot of meds, and I am not unhappy with my life as an individual, but with my husband well, yes I kind of am unhappy with that aspect of my life. OATS and Senior Planet are charitable affiliates of AARP: | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy. Whats more, you are not doomed to be in a sexless marriage! We went to a therapist who separated us and I thought that might help her confidence.
My Wife is Not Affectionate Anymore | The Modern Man When we first met, we had sex 2X a day morning and night. We married late, were both 40, and our sex life was fantastic. I own real estate property with my sister which provides some income. * RECOMMENDED CONFIGURATION VARIABLES: EDIT AND UNCOMMENT My wife has no desire for . Im a 68, fun, attractive, domestic woman who loves intimacy. So not. But no sex. Add to this many complications: conditioning from childhood, feeling you are being used for someone elses pleasure, not being attracted, not meeting your partner at the same emotional level. I asked her how long will this take for you to get over this panic stuff. But I still love her and will be heartbroken when that day comes. Due to major health issues and aging, we just quit altogether. I dont have many helpful things to add but I am getting on with life, there is more to do than sit around wallowing in sexlessness.