carnac the magnificent curses carnac the magnificent curses

Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and A: Mr. Coffee. , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? Q: What's the best thing to do if you swallow a hand The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. A: England, France and Greece. Oh, I forgot! Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Box 4, Folder 45. Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune A: Black feet. A: Buddy Holly. "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to Johnny would don an . Q: How many football games were televised over If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. Previous. If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? . Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. All the funny items on this website are fictitious. At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. Curses, Curses, Curses . Q: What do you get when you put Preperation H in your Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. Box 4, Folder 46. ", Ed McMahon's favorite Carnac the Magnificent punchline[5]. 1981 | TV-14 | CC. [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". The character was introduced in 1964. A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! He would then answer the question sealed inside the envelope. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. A: "The Dumplings." The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. | Replica prop, Johnny carson, Johnny Explore Men's Fashion Men's Accessories Men's Hats Uploaded to Pinterest Johnny Carson Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. A: The Laughing Policeman. We are now officially the living who envy the dead! Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. Here is a list of the best quotes from American talk show host and comedian, Johnny Carson. Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. A: Short eyes. share. The Answer: Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire. The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? Q: On a cold morning, what forms on de-grass? Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter violence? Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. A: Touch and Go. Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? girlfriend. If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. you? QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? tooth? On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. The Answer: No more years! A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. his neck? work? Q: Name two movies and a suppository. car? CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. Return to Political Humor CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man yell when he hears flushing? folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. Q: What is the total of Bo Derek and Phyllis Diller? The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. Q: What do you use to fry a peter? Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. Line: 208 Johnny Carson Carnak The Magnificent One Liners, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Justin Bieber, & Dick Cheney Form Secret Super He-Man Poker Club, A List of 10 Little Known Facts About David Letterman, ABC Sends "Charlie's Angels" To That Big Cancelled TV Show Studio In The Sky, Joan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance! Carson 500's, The 1985. Commissary. dee? The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. A: Cheetah, Leon Spinks and the American taxpayer. Murine? A: Sex. Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? envelopes. Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? Q: Name two rams and a goat. Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. A: Green thumb. And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. , The Question: What would a lot of people like to do to Lady Gaga? The Answer: Become a professional politician. a #2 mayonnaise Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your Click image to enlarge. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. A: Lady-in-waiting. Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a A: 50 miles per hour. Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). A: Flyswatter. Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. A: The diamond lane. The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. skirt. Get a random spoof news story. A: Pot luck. these envelopes, The answer: "Sis boom bah." Line: 315 A: You asked for it. (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. A: "Sorry bub, no pub." May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. The character was introduced in 1964. [1] Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe [1] Q: Where does the line go outside an unemployment office? toilet is stopped up? A: Snap, crackle, pop. seats. The Answer: The Pinocchio Treatment and Recovery Center. Q: Name the father of Mrs. Olsen's illegitamate baby. The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. , The Question: What new rap tune has replaced Hail to the Chief as the presidents walk-up song? Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force A: 2001. CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. A: Fit to be tied. A: Old wive's tale. Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. Clarnac: Well see how it goes, if Clarnac can find his reading glasses. The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? "Carnac" examples: "Billy Graham, Virginia Graham, and Lester Maddox" . Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? A: Ben Gay. Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. The Answer: A Baptist preacher and a College football coach. , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? Q: Name a jewel, a tool and a fool. car industry. , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. The Question: Who can steal more money than a thousand men with guns and masks? As a child of four can Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. A: "Hi diddly dee." Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf? A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. Ed McMahon was a huge part of the bit. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. ", "Sis boom bah." Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! A: Double hernia. Towering Inferno. Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? (Crowd cheers) #10. Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. It is original material for the most part. The Question: Name a clock, a jock, and a crock. NO ONE! A: Gatorade. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. A: Rosy red cheeks. The Johnny Carson Show. Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . A: "Here's Boomer." Q: Who ruined that darn rug? Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. night? A: Ransack. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: Roots. The Question: Name six fictional T.V. The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? Carson . A: The American people. A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. A: Baja. says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." us? Hand made. A: Grape Nuts. May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . Q: What do you call not getting busted? They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. A: A full moon , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand? A: "Yes man." (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? Baseball-Reference.com Win Probability - New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox, May 30 1961 t1 b1 t2 b2 t3 b3 t4 b4 t5 b5 t6 b6 t7 b7 t8 b8 t9 b9 BOS 50% NYY. "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). . Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. A: Damnation Alley. A: Igloo. A: "Rose Bowl." Welcome once again, O Great Sage. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. . The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. sister's hope chest. A: "I never promised you a rose garden." Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. Q: What is a mother of 27 children? A: Never on Sunday. Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? Q: What kind of holly would you find growing on your buddy? 2004 upper deck baseball cards. Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice? A: Skalliwags. CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister. So that when Balak brought Bilaam to the mountaintop so that he could view the Jews encamped down below and cast a curse upon them (see Numbers 23:28), Bilaam was moved to bless the Jewish people instead and to say, Mah Tovu Oholecha Yisrael How goodly are your tents, O Jacob , a blessing referring specifically to our beautiful Batei Keneses (Houses of Prayer) and Batei Midrash (Houses of Study). Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. "A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?A: Zippo Marx.Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?A: Touchback.Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.Answer: Sis Boom BahQuestion: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!Ed: Yassir ArafatJohnny: Yassir Arafat(envelope opening)Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?Johnny: "It was so cold outside"Audience: "How cold was it?